theblckgrl

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 06:17:43 GMT

i believe in love.

not any kind of love but the kind tht means something. the kind that keeps you up at night and weighs heavily on your mind. the kind that your tears are made of.

i once had these tears.

i would cry cuz i loved so much and couldnt contain it. i couldnt act it out and i couldnt write it out. i couldnt climb a mountain and shout it it out. my heart. my soul. overflowing with love that it could only come out in tears. you know the kind. the ones that well up in your eyes and sit there for a moment.until the dam breaks and the tears just flow.

oh i miss that feeling.

im grateful to have had it before. but i miss it. i envy other people that have it. its such an intense love that most people shy away from it.i AM A HOPELESS ROMANTIC. hopeless indeed.

i believe in love.

its the one thing that i refuse to let go. people can be shitty. people can be evil. and cruel. and judgemental. and rude. but i still hold on to love. i suppose im a fool. the way the world is going, its scary. but love is my life vest in the sea of ugly. its the one piece of this life i hope to take with me for an eternity.

love

WTF's been going on

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 22:36:13 GMT

so, i know u been waiting for a FULL update on all the pertaining to theblckgrl. lets do this:

Living
i moved. i live alone and its hard. i have always had a problem with being alone and it hasnt gotten any better as i have gotten older. this week was especially hard, as i had a semi breakdown. i just felt so lonely when i got home. i started crying sunday night and didnt stop til late mon. not only am i lonely, but im also feeling kinda floaty. like im in this weird place where im not sure where im supposed to be. or what im supposed to be doing. or who im supposed to be with. and how i feel about myself. im lost. and being lost and lonely is never a good idea. but there is hope. i think i will get a little better with being alone as time goes on. its just an adjustment i need to get used to. im hoping i can immerse myself into all the things i once loved that im falling away from.

Self Loving
i need some improvement. im gonna be as honest and as uofront as i can get here. i seem really independent and strong in some ways. and in someways i am. but i need work. im really negative sometimes. sometimes i cannot even look at myself in the mirror. and im really good at going through the motions so no one knows. but i am a mess lol. i see others changing and losing weight and making themselves better mentally and emotionally. and im jealous. because im not doing it. but i pinpointed why. it must not be that important to me. if i continue to be lazy and not put much effort into improvement, ill never get anywhere. but there is hope. first step, knowing that you have a problem. second step is figuring out what u wanna do about it. so ive taken the liberty to look into some self help stuff. and im looking into meditation, so i can chillax and find a center. this i what im trying for now and we shall see. going grocery shopping sat and getting better foods. busting out my hoop again and immersing myself in that. reading my comics cuz it makes me chill and happy and i havent been doing that.ill get it eventually. doing a life makeover takes time. and willpower. lets see if i gots it.

Socialism
im refraining frm going to the club for a bit. its gonna be really hard but i think i needs a break. i love going out and i ove being around my peeps, but i is the only social circle i am always in. i been neglecting other friends. i been neglecting the poly group im in. and i been forgetting the promise i made to myself about experiencing the rest of the town and the peple in it. but there is hope. yesterday i spent about an hour going through groups on meetup.com and joined about 8 of them. ive rsvp'd to a few events and i hope this will get me out and about. im by myself cuz im going alone, but technically im with people. hope to meet some new peeps and have some fun.

Romanticalness
my romance sucks. its been 3 months since i broke up with my ex and i still feel some horrible guilt with it. not as bad but still a little. im very doiubtful i will find someone i love in vegas. because its vegas an being single out here sucks. i met an awesome guy and we had an awesome 4 days together. but he lives across the country and thats an ultimate sadface. again, finding peple to fuck aint the problem. dating is. but there is hope. my loverboy across country is becoming an important person in my life. we r going to be friends for a lifetime and im excited to go see him in a few months. the one guy who ive had a crush on is still around andim still crushing. i think we r becoming really good friends and if it goes no farther than that im okay. but he will want me eventually. its inevitable(or maybe its wishful thinking lol) ive decided i gotta stop actively searching for a guy. its time consuming. ansd pointless at the moment.espwcially since i need to be focusing energies on fixing myself. and my girlfriend is simply awesome. thats not changing.

so there ya have it. im full of trials and tribulations. and huge mountains of sadness and weakness to overcome.

but theres hope and i haz it!

steph

The ballad of intelligence or lack thereof

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 06:14:07 GMT

u see i have this fantasy.

me and my boyfriend are at home relaxing. just doing at home type stuff. so he looks at me and says "i wanna teach you HTML. right now and you have to learn" and then he teaches me. its hard. i dont get it for a bit, but he tries for a long while to teach me. and eventually i get it. He teaches, me code and all other kinds of nerdy things he likes doing cuz he knows i have a general interest.

yes this a recurring fantasy i have cuz it still to this day, hasnt happened. im hanging out with someone who is in town for Defcon. he took me to dinner with him and his friends, all these really smart geeky guys talking about computers, hackers and some very cyberpunk type shit. and you know what? i felt privileged and super happy to be there around such great minds. i felt a little out of place. but i wasnt completely scared shitless.

this brings me back to my fantasy. how come i dont attract smart guys? now i do a little b ut im completely smitten with a guy of inyelligence. yes there has to be some type of physical connection but the brain is most important. i always wanted a boyfriend who thought that bonding with his grlfriend over nerdy stuff was awesome. i REALLY am interested in doing that type of stuff. and yes i could totally go to school and learn these things about technology. but i kinda want it as a special thing. there is a reason i like all the boys i like right now (all 3 of them lol). they are proficient in things that i long to know and want to share with my partner.

and smart boys dont like me. its strange to me, but i know i come off sexual and like a harlot and i come off crazy and loud. but thats me. these nerds dont seem to want that. or not the ones i find attractive.

okay bed t8me....my mind is racing about this. cuz i just dont understand...

update

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 20:44:25 GMT

coming soon...lol

prolly later today...

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Mon, 15 Jun 2009 07:01:04 GMT

ch ch ch ch ch ch check it out!

00:04 Arrgghh!!! There are black people at vector!!! #
03:33 @lastpolarbear morning! #
03:42 Sleeping naked next to your ex is weird....I need to hurry up and move lol #
03:44 About to go to sleep...gotta work in 5 hours...nite nite all #
09:08 Oh god I was dating adam lambert in my dream last night/this morning. WTF? Lol #
09:37 @richardizme at least u had a good time lol #
11:44 Waiting for my district mgr to show up...I dislike him greatly lol #
12:11 @kamikazekurt most likely yes lol #
13:07 @abhorrentbm talk to ron...I think he paints houses for a living #
13:58 Argh! I wish my DM would get here already...I hate fucking waiting lol #
14:40 Crap. Have to go to lunch with me and my bos and the district mgr. This should be interesting. #
15:45 My dm is ginger kid lol...he kinda looks like robert kirkman,author of the best comic right now, "the walking dead"...yes its about zombies #
19:37 @kittyprydex u see why I get in a fight with someone everytime I go to crappy fry's #
19:43 Okay lunch/dinner over with DM. My boss aint too happy. Im hopevful. I SUPPOSE I could give a little more thought to work... #
19:44 Like I love retail. Id like to move up in a company, but I need coaching. The DM seems to wanna provide that for me.which im happy about #
20:37 @Richardizme i have all of them if you ever need t catch up on the series. anything robert kirkman does is fucking amazing... #
21:27 True blood...yay! #
22:00 true blood for the win!!!! #
22:06 @avalonabsinthe omg! i teared up. where is my love like that? lol #
22:06 @avalonabsinthe wait vampires arent real lol #
22:09 @avalonabsinthe reality does suck sometimes lol #
22:22 oh god im watching sex and the city movie...im liking it for the fashion. im a high fashion bitch. love labels... #
22:48 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/pLrk4 #

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Sun, 14 Jun 2009 07:01:05 GMT

ch ch ch ch ch ch check it out!

01:50 @carpathiab true story... #
03:44 Boulder highway is the place to bem...omg. Hilarity #
05:43 @k4s3y hi kasey! #
06:06 @jennythegreat I just did the same thing...I love six flags :( #
06:10 Sleep time betches...laterz! #
12:07 Just woke up for the 3rd time...I fucking give up. Ill just get up...geez lol #
12:08 @doogie19 where'd ya go last night? #
13:16 *Little kid mode* I saw a hummingbird! I saws a hummingbird! It was pretty and eating foods!*little kid mode over* #
15:22 Im a motherlover you're a mother lover we should fuck each others mothers! #
17:05 @roninlethe Uh oh...was I supposed to get a size 8 or 9 in your shoe? Lol #
17:52 my black people song of the moment...Let the Beat Rock -Black Eyed Peas w/ 50cent bit.ly/cZ9kF #
19:06 Just spent 15 min playing with the new sidekick and the g1...still undecided #
20:53 Eating olive garden with my gaysian joel! #
22:14 Masterbation. Shower. Club time....in that order #
22:33 @morendo lol that's funny #
22:49 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/pLrk4 #

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Girls Girls Girls (x-posted from okcupid)

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 13:00:41 GMT

just sent a message to a grl that seems pretty cool. we would be awesome friends i think. hopefully she will write back!

i dont know why i dont talk to girls more. i still have this underlying hatred of them because i have had lots of jealousy issues with women in the past. and also because being openly bisexual is still somewhat new for me. i knew that i was attracted to girls when i was a bit younger, but thought nothing of it. i just thought that they were pretty.

im not sure when i started being sexually attracted to them and i dont know when i felt that i could be in a relationship with them. i think it was always in me. i always watched lesbian porn ( and looking to expand my collection currently!). i couldnt get off to any other kind of porn. i started noticing different parts of myself that i wanted to touch or kiss or lick on other girls, so i could see how they felt. how they tasted. another reason i dont talk to more girls, is i get all shy around girls that i think are pretty. like stupid stuttering all over the place. i get super complimentary too; i love hips and boobs. i find myself really attracted to all kinds of girls, but curvy and not stick thein is my fave. im starting to be more attracted to the dyke type as well. not full out butch but if they dress well and have a cute little faux hawk, im drooling.

i can remember watching movies and thinking about two chicks in the lead roles instead of a man and a woman. the idea makes my heart happy. being poly, the idea of having a wife and a husband thrills me to no end. i know for a fact that im in love with my girlfriends i have now. and if i never find a man to marry me or be my frst mate, i can live with that. id be happy.

i always seem to be looking for a man on these sites and i limit myself. i know me being poly, its gonna be difficult to find anyone who wants to be involved with me, man or woman, since i have 2 girlfriends already. but thats the way it has to be. im NOT giving them up. and it works. it really freaking works. plus...my girlfriends are hawt! lol

im not proof reading this journal either...im just gonna post it and hope for the best :D

theblckgrl!

Twitter Whore!

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 07:01:16 GMT

ch ch ch ch ch ch check it out!

00:32 Fuck this movie is awesome lol #
00:41 Next on movie playlist...LEGEND....tim curry yums #
12:08 Listening to the lonely island...I love how they talk about funny shit but they haz awesome beats. Seriously...beats are sweet! #
12:09 And my ex says "im glad I won't have to hear this shit anymore" and I laughed.I said "don't get me fucking started on shit about u old man" #
13:43 Frst apt was nice...trop a little past decatur #
15:12 Just passed by m and m soul food....needs tha food again soon #
16:14 Yay! Found the apt I want! Yay! #
17:05 @CarpathiaB ill help y ou check if you need me to *wink* #
17:07 so excited about that apt i found...its so nice. i hope i get it...ill officially be on the west side of town. which is scary, but im ready #
17:16 @richardizme how funny lol...how r you feeling? Did u figure out your allergy? #
17:23 @Richardizme gosh that sucks! i love peanuts. i would be sad :( #
17:24 @lastpolarbear ooh i havent seen you in awhile...miss your face...tonight should be fun times :D #
17:25 @Richardizme where on the west side are you? #
17:29 @lastpolarbear i need to go out of my comfort zone. im making life changing moves right now. ill be driving so you will see me...lucky you! #
17:33 @lastpolarbear your face makes me wanna stay on the east side... #
17:34 @Marimauvais arent you going to combustion mama? #
17:37 @Marimauvais k kool...hope to see you soon mama #
17:43 @lastpolarbear lol. nice try. i still have to find out if i can qualify for the apt...which im sure i can but we will see. #
17:47 think im gonna have a house warming shindig when i move. ill want cheap shit so its not gonna be expensive stuff. #
17:51 @Richardizme oh okay cool...i got lots of friends that live over that way..we need to hang out soon i aint seen you in years lol #
17:55 @avalonabsinthe awww. i understand. i get like that when i talk to my grandma #
17:59 @avalonabsinthe yeah...i think im gonna see my grandma on 4th of july. theres a big gathering in Niagara Falls at my grams house #
18:00 alrite nap time kids...catch ya in a few... #
22:09 4 hour nap....WIN!! #

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its 130am

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 08:32:03 GMT

and im thinking.

thinking about a ton of things that. that make me think.

speaking nonsense?

of course i am

its 130 am

and im thinking

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Fri, 12 Jun 2009 07:01:17 GMT

ch ch ch ch ch ch check it out!

00:17 @taitaisanchez @sakuramikage its pretty bad... might as well shave my head.Hopefully when flat ironed,I can catch it enough to do my dreads #
00:48 @taitaisanchez no pics! I look horrible... #
09:48 Oh I am hella late to work...hella #
10:51 @whytewolf cox is extra annoying lately...I feel ya on that one homie #
12:19 @mr_cellophanelv oh the anticipation!!! #
14:02 Dancing to britney spears while doing shipment in the stock room...im sweaty lol #
17:36 apt hunting goes into full swing now! yay! #
17:42 @carpathiab all by my lonesome...thank god. Thinking of the west side. I been on the east and central for 16 yrs now. Time for a change... #
17:49 @CarpathiaB keep getting guys when i call leasing offices.im being flirty with them lol...1 of them is really excited 2 meet me tomorrow lol #
19:03 @sakuramikage I agree with @taitaisanchez #
23:08 @skegeegrl what happened #
23:43 @skegeegrl we will see. Going apt hunting during the day. #
23:45 @kaliki8 who's having bday sex? Lol #
23:46 @skegeegrl I dunno about eating an apt but im down lol. #
23:48 @kaliki8 ah got ya. Well at least they r fucking...sex is da shit lol #
23:49 @kaliki8 lol #
23:49 Doing my hair and watching the monster squad. U guys remember that movie. It is awesome! #

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Thu, 11 Jun 2009 07:01:19 GMT

ch ch ch ch ch ch check it out!

07:29 Whose Idea was it to make an appt. This early? Oh it was mine...crap I should be asleep still :/ #
08:00 @abhorrentbm that is amazing... #
08:23 I have to get an ekg on my heart right now. My doctor is worried...which makes me worried...:/ #
08:33 @kasayyah doctors and their damn money... #
08:35 I <3 my doctor though...he's a good man. and he cusses which is awesome. #
08:42 Ugggh...I had to give like 4 vials of blood. Had an ekg. I have to schedule an ultra sound cuz I have fatty liver and needs to be checked... #
08:44 And...I have to get an ecocardiogram another type of ultra sound for my heart area. My heart is jumping...slight murmur #
08:51 said 2 destress big time.stuff last week was from stress.gonna have another stroke if I don't chill out. Im prone 2 it after the 1st one. #
10:44 just checked out my tweetstats...@bunnyman is still the person i @ reply to the most (surprise!) and @carpathia is in second place... #
10:45 wait... @carpathiab is in second place #
12:49 Being away from home makes me feel a bit better... #
13:12 @funnyordie I got my period for April Fools Day when I was 9yrs old #dogshiticecreamcone #
16:20 Okay what dos he look like again? Old white dude right #
16:35 that was SUPPOSED to be a text for someone else...im really bad at that lol #
17:56 @k4s3y u r ridiculous...but I love u anyways #
18:01 @abhorrentbm and why am I not working at one...id drop it like it hot #
19:33 @Kasayyah good lick #
20:18 SYTYCD is on...the frst hip hop number was sick...loved it #
20:24 @k4s3y yes my nigga #
20:34 Cha cha routine to pokerface by lady gaga #
22:03 @kaliki8 u bitch...lol #
22:28 @kaliki8 thast the only action im getting! #
22:29 @kaliki8 okay thats not entirely true lol #
22:36 @kaliki8 streak is broken! im still lacking on the sex dept...kinda...but otherwise im good :D #
22:55 i wonder if i was born with some form of headache or migraine...i bet i was #
23:25 damn my hair is dirty! oh how i love taking my dreads out #
23:28 uh oh...im having problems breathing...gonna go for now twitterville #
23:45 So I decided to cut off the top of my mohawk. It was fried and damaged. So I used clippers and the longest guard I had... #
23:46 I have officially put myself in the single forever category cuz I look like a complete dyke! I dunno if its even long enough to braid.oops #

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bad breakup-poem

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 01:28:33 GMT

this is a take on a scene from my life. from a previous relationship with someone that i was no good for and vice versa.enjoy!
************************************************************************************
WE/US

dont tell me to relax
for you dont have your facts
and you cant just sit there and smile
since "us" has been gone for awhile
you say that you tried your best
and i asked "what about the rest"
u started to accuse things of me
finger pointing was the end of "we"
you say i dont love you anymore
and i know youve said this before
i tell you if that was the case
your shit would be out this place
that i have tried time and time again
and i wanna leave "this" as a friend
but youll have none of that u say
and for me to stay far far away
and my tears welling up in my eyes
is my way of knowing this is goodbye

On the subject of kids...

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 01:12:29 GMT

do i or dont i?

i do but i dont but i still sorta do.

i figure i am gonna be a late bloomer...meaning having babies later in life. i have to lose weight first. as of right now, it doesnt seem to be going the route of natural child birth. meaning, i cant get pregnant. the doctor says that possibly when i lose weight that will change. and i believe him cuz its happened to 2 of my friends. soon as they lost it, they got preggo.

which leads me into my friends. 5 count them 5 of my super good friends had kids in 2008. im god mom to one of them and his bro or sis is on the way. maybe i am a little more jealous than i say i am. i think id be an amazing mom. and i love kids.

id love nothing more than to find a man that will be great for me and i for him one day. fall in love, and make little baby batlings or baby cogs of our own. this is an ideal situation when im in my 30's. especially since im newly single; aint no body gonna be trying to fall in love with me any time soon ( and im ok with that :D)

will i be okay if i dont have kids? i think id be fine. there would always be some part of me that yearns for kids but if the lifestyle i choose doesnt fit kids, then ok. if whoever you believe in decides not being able to have kids is the way it should be, then so be it.

but i gotta stop lying to myself. i keep saying i dont want kids. i think maybe just not right now.

!theblckgrl!

im not even sure

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 01:33:15 GMT

what i wanna write. i just wanna writ. so much on my mind. so many feelings going through my heart. a sadness and a hopefulness. a feeling of WANT and desire. a feeling of heartache and of distress.

at least i still feel.

i see one and im sad it didnt happen. sad that we tried and i changed. hopeful he finds someone else. i see another one and i know we will never truly be on the same track. ill feel more than they ever will and i have come to grips with that. i see one that i wasnt enough to fight for. the sight of them makes my heart sad and makes me know that theyll never be mind. i see another that makes me fell normal. nothing may ever happen, but either way its gonna be an amazing experience, for the both of us. and that makes me happy.

happy.sad.happy.sad.

though things dont go the way i want them to. even though i am never loved truly how i want to be. although im hopeless that ill get what i believe in.

i still believe in love. its the best thing in the world to me and experiencing it in little spurts like i do, is better than not at all.

fuck im rambling.

theblckgrl!

Trying to see if this works

Mon, 25 May 2009 19:34:16 GMT

posting an entry from text

observations

Mon, 25 May 2009 19:17:54 GMT

I got on the bus at about 545 pm yesterday at sahara and eastern. It was about 90 degrees outside and I was melting. Getting on the bus was welcomed, especially because said bus had air conditioning.

And then I saw her.

Through my sunglasses, I spotted this chick on the seat across the way from me. She looked maybe about 32 to 35. She was slim, but not skinny. Her legs were crossed and then they weren't. Then they were. Then they weren't. She was super fidgety. She had a pretty short camoflauge skirt on and a white whife beater. She had two chains around her neck, one was a bulky black jeweled cross and one was a razorblade. Obviously from hot topic, but it still worked. She had ankle high doc martin boots on that had seen better days, but they were beautiful. She had a few bruises on her. I don't think they were from being hit by a man or anything. I envision her at the double down getting into a fight with some 21 year old bitch who thinks she is the shit. Or she has bruises from being in a pit somewhere at a local show. No, definitely not abused physically. Perhaps mental. Her face showed signs of a hard life. She was still beautiful. A natural typeof pretty.

I couldn't stop staring at her. Lucky for me, I had sunglasses on.

I get to the nellis stop. She gets off with me. We walk to the next stop and im listening to system of a down on my ipod as we wait. She's walking back and forth, looking for the next bus. And then she starts smoking.

Oh gods, why is this woman so intriguing to me? I noticed how she smoked. Her thin lips wrapping themselves around the end of the cigarette. She glances at me and she smiles. I smile back. She says "I like your hair. That blue and grey is fucking nice" I tell her thanks and then we go back to our own thing. We get on the bus. I don't sit by her cuz that would be weird. I just look at her from afar.

U know those girls u see that u only read about but never meet. Like those bad ass girls who have dady issues and try to seem invincible to the world? And in some aspects they r? This was her.

A day later and im still thinking about her. Maybe ill see her again. Maybe I won't.

IM feeling this song right now

Sat, 23 May 2009 07:50:55 GMT

This is Camisado by Panic at The Disco

The I.V. and your hospital bed
This was no accident
This was a therapeutic chain of events

This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor
This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital
It's not so pleasant
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering where
The apathy and urgency is that I thought I phoned in
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

Just sit back, just sit back
Just sit back and relax
Just sit back, just sit back
Just sit back and relapse again

Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back

You're a regular decorated emergency
You're a regular decorated emergency

This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor
This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering where
The apathy and urgency is that I thought I phoned in
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back
Sit back, sit back, relax, relapse
Sit back, sit back, bababada
You can take the kid out of the fight

You're a regular decorated emergency
The bruises and contusions will remind me what you did when you wake
You've earned a place atop the ICU's hall of fame
The camera caught you causing a commotion on the gurney again

You're a regular decorated emergency
The bruises and contusions will remind me what you did when you wake
You've earned a place atop the ICU's hall of fame
The camera caught you causing a commotion on the gurney again

Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back
Sit back, sit back, relax, relapse
Sit back, sit back, bababada
You can take the kid out of the fight

The I.V. and your hospital bed
This was no accident
This was a therapeutic chain of events

what goes up must come down....

Fri, 22 May 2009 20:11:03 GMT

its relationships i speak of this time.

my primary relationship of 3 yars is over. los of people think 3 years isnt a long time. some say its not as bad since i have other people that im with.

well those people can suck my non existent dick!

its hell. even though its my fault ( and not really my fault cuz i grew and changed), im still horribly torn up about it. its not really the 21 yr age difference that did it either. it was the constant not wanting to do anything with me that did. the initiation. im always the one who said "lets go eat" or "lets watch a movie" or "hey i cooked come eat with me". it gets really old after awhiel. its called complacency. and taking the fact that your partner is gonna always be there for granted. im over it. i need a little bit more spontaneity in my relationship. someone who isnt afraid to drop everything and go drive to the beach and come back.who does wanna go to the club with me every once in awhile cuz i like to have my partner there and to socialize. i need someone who has their own friends and who i dont have to drag with me to gatherings or events. and who's jewish mother doesnt curse the ground i walk on. lol. it would be really nice to date someone in my little g/i scene cuz then i wouldnt have a problem with the whole club thing. all the people im interested in are taken. which im perfectly fine with, really. i dont even know why i just wrote that.lol oh well im not erasing it, cuz its true. i want a scene boyfried.fuck i am lame...lol

regardless, it just wasnt working. it hasnt been working. and the main issue is the s/m. i think i only like it every once in awhile. or just during sex. but not all the time like he does. i guess as i have grown and changed, it has split us apart.no ones fault really, i just need more me time. i suppose i need to stop worrying soo much. focus on my health, my hobbies and my friends. im becoming uper vigilante in spending time with people outside the club who want to. i have made some super awesome friends and working on a few others. i need to take advantage of vegas and all its worth. and when a guy decides he wants me, then ill decide at that time if its right. lol. im 28 now..if im gonna get married, i better find the right one soon lol...

man im fucking ridiculous.

work time!

~theblckgrl!

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Mon, 18 May 2009 07:01:26 GMT

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00:11 @kasayyah ha ha ha men r dumb #
05:04 i need to take my black ass asleep...too busy sitting and thinking about things...damn you brain! #
05:13 We all need to go to bed kids! Lol...fucking vector was fantastic.... #
09:19 Such a bad idea staying out soooo late lol #
09:50 @carpathiab I dunno how I got ready for work in 10 minutes...including shower lol. wait...I dunno how I even woke up lol #
10:36 Breakfast was unsatisfying...I need to go grocery shopping #
10:43 @angulique hey u! went to Whimsical Alley in santa monica...they have great shit happening for the HBP release... #
10:45 @angulique I couldn't remember what part of the promenade they r closing, but all the shops around the theares are doing HP themed food... #
10:47 @angulique there are gonna be HP rockbands, and loads of other crap.That's what erin, the lady who works there said.sounds like a big event #
10:48 @angulique I think they're hosting it and a SLIGHT chance they may get an afternoon screening of the movie b4 it even comes out #
10:52 @angulique im sure ill join you guys...if I don't go to cali. #
10:59 @angulique pass the word on to your peeps that if in need school robes and stuff, theyre having an awesome package.expensive but u get alot #
12:09 @kittyprydex I guess im not old yet lol cuz sleeping in on my day off is niiiicceee #
12:16 I have failed at eating healthy and exercising for a little over a week now...I needs to go grocery shopping lol. #
12:21 Everytime I walk by wetseal aka instahoe, I always see teenagers in there...why the hell are they w3aring shit from there... #
12:21 @christomephisto tweet tweet nigga whut... #
12:30 @kittyprydex sweet tomatoes! #
12:30 @kittyprydex sushi! #
12:31 @kittyprydex jasons deli! #
12:32 @kittyprydex ....Im outta ideas lol #
12:50 @sakuramikage im at work now! Come see me!!!! #
12:58 @gcrush those are the hottest words! #
13:00 @zero360 cuz they look like little sluts! im not so woried about the 17 and up ones, but te 13 yr olds? not so much #
13:02 @sakuramikage crocs! Its a kiosk in front of corningwear/corelle store. Come thru the entrance that has stride rite on it and make a right #
13:28 I can barely wear a thong lol im constantly like " man this wedgie is killing me! Oh wait im supposed to have one" #
13:29 @kittyprydex spray painting asses sounds like a good idea to me #
13:30 You guys wouldn't beliee the amount of teenage grls walking around looking like skanks at disneyland. In heels, like stilletos! #
13:34 RT: @Angelick77: Have a friend who's an ob/gyn and he says thongs are a little tightrope pipeline to infections of the girl variety. #
13:36 Getting infections from thongs is common...cuz the booty juice transfers on the string to the party tube...g-ross #
13:39 @kittyprydex you are welcome :D #
14:00 OMGIHATEPEOPLEWHODONTSPEAKENGLISHSOMETIMES!!!!! #
14:02 In other news I finally got to meet the amazing @sakuramikage and her creepy but awesome doll ziadrine #
14:19 Okay...id just like to give a special shout out to @bunnyman @morendo for rocking my fucking socks off last night. The dancefloor was packed #
14:41 I vote for @bunnyman @morendo to dj at vector again soon! I feel bad for whoever couldn't make it last night. Felt so good #
14:54 OMG @gcrush u have no idea how good @bunnyman is. Im super privaledged to be friends with some of the best dj's in our scene, imho #
14:55 @abhorrentbm do u blame @carpathiab? Have u seen @kasayyah? That's a delicious combination to me...lol #
15:09 @bunnyman RT: @Zero360: @theblckgrl yea im pretty sore from the great music last night ohhhh yeeeaaaaa #
18:33 @carpathiab I gots dinner plans in like an hour and a half and im gonna be pooped by the time that's over...next time gadget #
18:40 @k4s3y awesome sauce... #
23:38 @kittyprydex lol nice.... #

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Sun, 17 May 2009 07:01:29 GMT

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01:17 @kasayyah aww baby im so sorry #
02:32 @kittyprydex nope I never saw em.... #
09:10 Can't sleep well cuz I keep thinking about all the stuff going on with me and mike.I hate myself for it #
17:04 @kasayyah I might....trying to convince my friend @kaliki8 to come out cuz I haven't seen her in forever... #
17:05 @kaliki8 come out! Im not going unless u go. Top priority for me even wanting to go out...PLEASE!!!! #
20:34 Why is it only 835pm?!?! I wanna go home already... #
20:48 @kittyprydex put in zombies put in zombies #
21:20 My old man being so calm and understanding makes my guilt seem so much more...my heart hurts so bad for hurting him... #
21:35 @kittyprydex yeah it would be worse. I just feel horrible. I can't even look at him without bursting into tears. #
22:17 just had a good long talk with the old man...feeling a little better. #
22:18 one of my friends said is like mom and dad are divorcing... #
22:19 i find that hilarious and sadfaced at the same time :D :( #
22:44 @CarpathiaB yep ill be out dancing drinking and smoking cigs! #
22:45 @CarpathiaB hopefulyl not crying lol...ive done enough of that today #

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Sat, 16 May 2009 07:01:40 GMT

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00:02 @christomephisto I just spent an hour on one game...trivia game lol. it would do soo well in vegas #
00:07 OMMG! PM Dawn is on the radio on the 90's station on sirius. "Id die without you".... #
08:56 Waiting in big crowd to go in park! 4 minutes to go! #
10:01 In aurora's castle (sleeping beauty) she was soo purdy! #
11:16 I am officially a disney nerd...I now have trading pins lol #
13:56 @carpathiab YAY!!!! #
15:40 Sitting down (finally) waiting for the parade to start #
17:46 Wow...life sure is changing...me and the old man are together/not together anymore. Complicated but im doing alright :) #
18:01 @gothicat13 thanks mama. It isgonna suck later but is really better this way #
21:01 Headed back home...im gonna miss u disneyland #
23:05 Hopping in the shower! Disneyland today! #

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Fri, 15 May 2009 07:01:37 GMT

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11:34 In disney california adventure...woot! #
11:45 @kittyprydex we did for soarin over california!!! I just bought erin happy bday mickey ears lol #
11:54 About to get a 6.30 hot link corn dog....oh disney take my sould with your deliciously over priced snacks lol #
12:43 @skegeegrl ha ha...me and erin just ran into mark welding at dieneyland lol #
13:08 Already 3 pics with random strangers cuz I have blue hair lol #
13:57 ZOMG! Toy story ride is amazing! #
15:19 Having a discussion about the disney princess' being vegetarians. Except mulan cuz she's asian and they eat doggies and monkies!!! #
16:18 Watching a high school musical performance in middle of park. Not real hsm peeps from movie...talented kids #
17:51 @mr_cellophane I do...dm me your numero and ill give to him #
18:27 Awesome! RT: @comandatuba: Ah, connect the dots. A clever tattoo idea www.flickr.com/photos/abletoven/2461745299/ #
18:48 @skegeegrl @bollozos yep with boo...super random. Hot link corn dogs are amazing. My blackness was happy #
19:34 @abhorrentbm wtf?U never drank it? Why people gotta be jackin shit yo?I took most of the half full bottles and no sailor jerry's to be found #
19:35 @bunnyman I heart andy milonakis! Next time gadget #
19:39 W@abhorrentbm sadface #
19:40 Next party someone is gonna be on liqour patrol...and names going on everything...muthafuckas #
19:53 @carpathiab someone else opened one of my rums...there's like 2 shots left and I haven't even had any lol #
20:21 Nside the lego store at downtown disney *drools* I heart legos... #
20:53 disneyland california is done....heading back to the car and on to dave and busters! #
21:37 @sakuramikage hope u get some rest darling #
23:27 Dave and busters is absolutely addicting...we need one in vegas! #

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Thu, 14 May 2009 07:01:23 GMT

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00:33 i should be packing for my trip sleeping or fixing my hair...i am...sitting at my computer chatting lol #
00:37 oh and watching deadliest warrior...such an awesome show #
00:41 @abhorrentbm yay! i have a few episodes to watch to catch up, so im doing that now. i loved viking vs samurai...one of my faves so far #
00:44 @abhorrentbm i think ninja is gonna win thought i want spartan. im watching it now...who won? im still gonna watch so u can tell me #
00:45 @kittyprydex yeah it happens lol im not planning mine, which is awesome... #
00:47 lonely island performing on jimmy fallon tonight! #
01:21 lonely island live, with the almighty Roots crew providing back up, was awesome lol #
10:47 Gate code still 2001? #
10:48 K we r here #
11:49 Yessss! The rental suv has sirius built in...awesome sauce #
11:51 Currently playing : I'll never break your heart by backstreet boys awesome #
12:42 @Carpathiab DISNEYLAND!!!! Thurs and fri. Today we r gonna hit up santa monica blvd to eat the @ the BEANERY. And dave and busters tonite! #
13:14 So I found the 90's station on sirius satellite in the rental...im sure this is what we will listen to from here on out #
13:46 @abhorrentbm @kasayyah if u need someone to train your dog 4 that I know...someone...and no I never done that.it does involve peanut buttter #
13:57 now listening to Jason Mraz! fst cd is his best! (im so white) #
14:57 @sakuramikage only cuz im an idiot lol #
15:28 "Come on ride da train and ride it!" Fuck..I need sirius satellite just for the 90's station lol #
15:32 @k4s3y word is bond! #
15:49 Round and round by tevin campbell is on. Let me just say that tevin campbell was my black boyfriend in the 90's #
16:07 @skegeegrl I haven't seen him in forever...im gonna have to google a picture of his ass...not literally. I mean his face lol #
16:09 Took a break from 90's station and now dancing to dance dance by fall out boy! #
16:25 In santa monica...that can only mean two things...harry potter store and barneys beanery at the promenade #
17:25 I only bought buttons! Im very proud of myself...they didn't have bellatrix's wand so I got out of there cheap! #
17:58 Just got me tix for disney tomorrow and friday! Woot! Time for the beanery! #
18:40 Ummm...barneys beanery is the shit #
18:46 @sjor yep its called whimsic alley on wilshire blvd. its prolly the most amazing store I have ever been inside of #
22:44 @morendo when is your bday? #
22:55 @morendo perhaps I will! #

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Wed, 13 May 2009 07:01:30 GMT

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00:53 Watermelon vodka and watermelon puree is sex in a glass...black sex #
01:26 Hustle and flow is on...loves it #
01:49 Took me 5 min to walk from couch to room...trying to mnot cry from pain! #
14:15 Thisa blueberry hil menu is the shit...all these damn pages #
14:34 @kittyprydex ill save that for next time #
15:05 I used to love P.O.D...like srsly...they're on the radio and im singing along...oh memories #
15:10 @carpathiab I was listening to 107.9 but its over...sublime is on now... #
15:22 @abhorrentbm wow.... #
15:34 Anyone know of a place I can get something framed that isn't gonna fuck me with no lube like michaels? #
16:08 @skegeegrl "forever my lady" was the bomb. And don't even get me started on "freaku" #
16:37 I have only be up for 3 hours...nap time before star trek! #
16:53 "You know how many foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds!" superbad is NOT a good movie to watch when tryin to nap, I keep laughing #
19:31 I think I need to be single.... #
19:42 @k4s3y im just in the worst of moods lately...at one person im with in particular...im not really better off single but I need something #
19:43 @k4s3y like a trip to disneyland...which ill be doing on thurs. Hope it will lift my spirits #
19:57 @k4s3y what!?! U need to go to disneyland! Its seriously the happiest place on earth. Though not for everyone #
20:20 @bunnyman im being a bitch cuz I feel like im being ignored...and certain person never takes initiative to do anything. Its always me... #
20:29 @kittyprydex you have a point. I suppose I could try to stop thinking about other people but its really hard and not my style lol #
20:34 And now im about to lose a friend who pissed me off saturday at my party....oh fucking well #
20:35 Oh that went fairly well... #
20:43 @bunnyman @kittyprydex u did nothing wrong...plus it was saturdays party lol #
20:43 I guess I still have a friend...wow someone took me being unhappy like an adult...I guess there is still hope for humanity! #
21:37 @k4s3y I think you got a good idea. Hopefully ill get my drink on along with some L4D #
22:18 @k4s3y wait...who's jasmine? #
22:19 @k4s3y wait...nevermind lol #
22:22 @k4s3y yeah...I always call everyone their screen name always...I dunno how I even found out @sakuramikage 's real name lol #
22:32 @k4s3y lol fun times #
22:51 Time to hook my lame comp up....can't wait to get a new one #

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Tue, 12 May 2009 07:01:21 GMT

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00:05 Why am I still awake? Im gonna watch superbad till I fall asleep #
00:44 fave line from superbad "she looks like she could take a dick. Some women pride themselves on their dick taking abilities" I love this movie #
10:59 Ha ha ha ha: just watched Motherlover on you tube...on andy and justin together is always a good idea lol #
12:17 If anyone is by a radio put it on 98.5 blast from the past lmao #
12:21 @carpathiab omg that horrible shagy song that was popular...the one that repeats "it wasn't me" over and over...lol #
12:40 This made me laugh lol...RT: @yingko2: Today I am carving Jessica Alba out of SPAM. #
12:43 @bunnyman BUNNY! #
13:28 @buunyman I just wanted to yell your name... #
13:58 @zero360 I could say sooo many things right now....so many #
14:02 Going to look at mattresses...I need a new bed #
14:04 @axeonos u aint never lied. screaming @bunnymans name is on top of my " things to do before I die" list #
16:03 Yay I found my sectional! 1700 bucks with 2 ottomans.can customize it to be black! Damn I been looking for a black sectional forever...lol #
16:09 @carpathiab ha ha ha funniest thing I have heard today lol #
19:09 @carpathiab what r you cooking me for dinner today? Lol #
19:51 @carpathiab lol that's funny...you're on a roll today with the jokes mama #
20:50 Trying to finish un packing my living room and my bedroom some so I can have an evening of knights, zombies and watermelon vodka lol #
20:58 @carpathiab lol that's hilarious...you're litle guys are awesome #
21:06 @carpathiab ha ha ha ha #
21:22 @ecksess exactly what type of mischief? #
21:55 @gcrush that's great information ;) #
23:05 just finished opening all my boxes of clothes...oh god shoot me...shower, food, game and liqour times await! #
23:40 Only having 1 drink tonight and no video games...im mad lazy...there's always tomorrow #

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